No. 8

THE ROOT 

Yesterday I bought a red car. Red makes me think of roses, rebels and the root chakra. Understanding chakras was a big part of my Reiki training, and it’s also something I’ve done extensive self-study in (for fun). Don’t know what a chakra is? Allow me. 

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***I have gathered much my information from the following sources: Complete Book of Charkas by Cyndi Dale, Julia Albain (Reiki Master), a decade of yoga studies, acting teachers, energy healers, and the world wide web.***

There are worlds within worlds, living within the cells of our body, creating a humming universe of atoms and subatomic particles. We cannot perceive these vibrant energy bodies with the naked eye, but like the stars in the sky, they are apart of us. They make us shine, and are essential to our spiritual evolution, health, and happiness. 

There are major aspects of our body that are unidentifiable, as they are separate from the conglomeration of tissues most doctors and scientists understand. They are not able to be measured by modern technology, which I find very refreshing! This is because it’s a subtle energy, and a cosmic force known as the CHAKRA! 

Chakra is a Sanskrit word. Sanskrit is considered the oldest written language in the world (6,000 years +), composed of primordial sounds developed systematically to track the natural progressions of the sounds made by the human mouth. Chakras are the most powerful energetic force within and around the body, useful for: performing healing, attracting what we need, obtaining guidance, and expanding and elevating our consciousness. 

There are seven chakra systems, and each one manages the energy of the body in a specific way, just as the heart manages the circulatory system. It looks like a rapidly spinning wheel of swirling light. Each chakra focuses a unique physical, psychological, and spiritual energy in the body to direct and serve your well-being.

PHYSICAL PROCESSING: 

Many charkas have a bodily location, including an attachment to a nerve plexus and / or an endocrine gland, and all of them manage a certain part of the body. They can also be described as colors, and sounds, which are related to vibratory bands they both operate within and emanate, so they relate to our physical senses as well 

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROCESSING 

Each chakra interacts with and creates psychological constructs that affect our well-being. This processing takes place in the realm of beliefs and feelings. 

SPIRITUAL PROCESSING 

Each charka contributes to our spiritual well-being and development, adding a layer of consciousness to our maturing sense of self. Every chakra also serves as a channel for specific psychic ability. 

So this week’s post is focused on the first of the chakras, THE ROOT CHAKRA! 

ROOT CHAKRA 

SANSKRIT WORD: Muladhara

SURVIVAL.

Located at the base of the spine and nerve plexus in the hips, muscles, bones, immune system, the bladder, rectum, lower extremities (hips and related bones and muscles), the eliminatory system, the large intestine, and parts of the genitals. Shares responsibility with other chakras for prostate and kidneys. 

ENDOCRINE GLAND

Adrenals, blood pressure, metabolism, and immune system. 

COLOR: Red  

Red is the color of beauty, prosperity, the longest wavelength of light, and the highest arc of the rainbow. It’s also the only color bees cannot see, so red flowers are the only flowers not pollinated by bees; red flowers are pollinated by hummingbirds. 

RULING PLANET: Saturn

Saturn is an earthly force that teaches us about our limits. 

HINDU SOUND: Lam 

PHYSICAL FOUNDATIONS: Earth element

Physical issues related to hip area, eliminations of the body, part of genital system, the coccygeal vertebrae, life energy; it's also associated with smell and the nose in Hindu system. 

PSYCHOLOGICAL FUNCTIONS: Safety and security

 Worthiness to exist; primal issues and feelings 

SPIRITUAL FUNCTIONS: Self-identity 

Physically oriented intuitive abilities such as psychometry, and sensing others’ bodily sensations. 

DEFICIENT: 

Sense of spaciness and disconnection, being underweight, fear and anxiety, lack of focus or follow-through, self-destructiveness, the sense of being unlovable, masochistic or suicidal tendencies, passivity, financial lack, and poor boundaries. 

EXCESSIVE:

Overeating, overweight, greed, hoarding, excessive materiality, hypochondria, paranoia, excessive spending, laziness and fatigue, fear of change, obsession with security and rigid boundaries. 

BALANCE:

Physical ease, security, and prosperity. Grounded in reality and common sense, energetic, in control of bodily drives, reliable, motivated, adventurous, able to manifest what is needed, and able to be calm and in the moment. 

YOGA POSE: Child's pose 

The first step to healing is slowing down, and connecting to breath. 

FOOD: Sweet potatoes, beets, radishes, other root vegetables, Ashwagandha

SPICES / HERBS: ginger, cloves, cedar, black pepper, sandalwood

GEM STONES: Black tourmaline, smokey quartz, jasper, ruby

MANTRA: I am safe and secure. I am strong, stable and at peace. 

Mantras reprogram unconscious thinking patterns! So try this if you feel your first chakra is off-balance. 

A fun, little side note: take a bath with Pink Himalayan Salts. 

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Was this helpful? I'd be happy to go more in depth with you one-on-one, or write to me if you'd like me to continue. 

HAPPY FRIDAY! I LOVE YOU. 

xx, Alli Caudle 

 

 

 

No. 7

THE SADNESS OF EXPANSION

This morning I had no idea what I would write about for my FRIDAY LOVE LETTER post. I was experiencing extreme polarities: frustrated and expansive, inspired and judgmental, resistant and ready. Then, something very magical happened...

9:59 AM. I turned off my phone and entered the space of my final physical therapy session from the traumatic car accident I was in about a month ago. I had no choice but to let go and surrender to the moment as I allowed my new friend to work out the last lingering trauma knots out of my spine. I observed my thoughts. 

In this deeply open and receptive state I thought about my new career as a life coach, and this new company I’ve started, Moonbeam Collective. It’s like being a new mom and my practice / collective are a set of twins that I’ve just brought into the world. They’re two separate individuals from the same womb, with two very different sets of eyes, with two different heartbeats, that live under the same roof. It’s so exciting! And it can be very overwhelming. I’m navigating it every day, and I want to be very open about the process. It’s not perfect, it’s messy. Sometimes I think I have it all together, crystal clear. Other times I feel like I’m battling for my life and I want to give up. That’s when fear finds it’s opening and the insecurities flare, and I wonder who the fuck cares. THAT’S THE EXACT MOMENT WE HAVE TO CONNECT TO OUR HEARTS.

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COACHING NOTE: The lessons I’ve had to practice in this past week: gentleness, allowing constructive criticism, asking for help (!!!), clarity, focus, slowing down, adapting, changing, allowing the change, going with the flow, TRUSTING!!! 

I am loving being a life coach, and I’m getting more and more comfortable in my new skin every day. I love writing and always have. The program I got certified through is called NEW LIFE STORY. And as my best friend, Whitney, was coaching me in the forest of Idyllwild, CA, it clicked! I can now combine the power of storytelling, my passion of writing ever since I was six-years-old, with the magic of human connection in the present moment to help people write their new life stories! Co-creative therapy through the art of writing a new story and science of neuropsychology, psychology and quantum physics. 


My 60 minutes were up, and I was left in solitude as a healing swirl circulated through my bloodstream. I thought, God, please show me a sign as to what I can write about today that could make an impact in someone’s life, even in the smallest way.

I walked into the cafe next door, sat down with a tea, opened my journal to write ideas, then felt compelled to check @MoonbeamCollective’s Instagram. There was a message. I opened it, and it read: 

“So I’ve been working on changing my life story. It’s going extremely well, but in this process my views of what a relationship means is becoming much deeper, and I am wanting more out of a relationship, or I’m wanting it to mean more. I was just wondering if you are, or were in a relationship, and experienced this; and what you did about it? Or if you weren’t, then just any advice you might have.” 

I was amazed at the magical serendipity of the universe when we’re clear with good intentions. Things can move and shift so fast. This was a dream come true for me. This is the kind of work that floods my heart with gratitude, getting to share my knowledge, experience, tools and intuition to help guide people to their own brilliant inner knowing and success in their new life stories! 

So here it is, to my new friend out there in the internet ether: RELATIONSHIPS in a NEW LIFE STORY by Alli Caudle @MoonbeamCollective.

OMG! “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman,” by Aretha Franklin starts play as I start to type… Maybe turn that song on to feel your own amazing inner-femininity. Claim that. It’s all yours. That’s where your magic and power reside. That’s the first step. Connect to your internal point of reference, your beating heart, your body, the things you hate about it, the things you love about it. Move, dance, light candles, cook, clean, water a plant that you can whisper with, put on lipstick, throw on a pair of heels that make your prance. Whatever makes you feel good in the most simple of way. 

RELATIONSHIPS are the state of being connected. Think about the simplicity of that for a moment. 

So in the simplest form, we are made of protons and electrons. These energy bodies are the elemental foundation of universal matter; they’re always vibrating, always moving, always changing. That’s what it means to be alive. Change is the only given in the game of life, and in order to feel our fullest movement and vibration we must accept it in order to end our unnecessary suffering. 

Story time! 

Change is like this… you’re driving from Austin, TX to Los Angeles, CA. Your dog is riding shot gun, the sun is out, you have the perfect playlist on, Google Maps has your back. Smooth sailing from East to West as you follow a clear map down a well constructed American highway. Cool.

SUDDENLY! Your car takes control of you! Your hands are off the wheel. Your car jumps off the highway, you start spinning faster and faster and faster, you black out.

Hours later, it’s dark. You come-to in the front seat of your car, that’s crashed against a pine tree. You’re in the forest now. You freak out! This is not where I’m supposed to be! Your dog has disappeared! You're all alone without your trusted companion. This is new, this is foreign, this is scary. Oh, and Google Maps no longer exists. You must stay calm. Allow a new map to unfold. Where’s the North Star? What?! It’s 2018 and I’m depending on the stars to guide me? This is actually really scary. I’m lost. I just want to get back on that comfortable, familiar highway.

Okay. Okay. Take a deep breath. In this place only your instincts can guide you. There is no map in this new territory, technology can’t help you here. Only your inner-voice, your intuition. This is where the magic happens! Then it starts to get fun. Your original destination is no longer relevant. You get out of the car.

You’re met by a beautiful wolf named Luna. Her presence reconnects you to your natural, animal instincts.  She turns and starts to run. You run with her, following her through the trees, putting one foot in front of the other, connecting to your breath, trusting mother nature … until you reach a river. The river. This is your new destination. You bend down and splash the cool, fresh water on your face. You look up to find yourself surrounded by a pack of wolves. They start howling at the moon, and you howl with them. IS THIS INSANE?! Not to them, it’s their bio-rhythm. Guess this is where I was supposed to be all along? Thank God for change. I would have been on that long, boring, comfortable highway forever. Now this is the new normal, you and your wolf pack. 

So, we resist change because it’s scary. We have to give up the comfortable and the known, the normal way of operating, the default mode. We have to do a lot of work and commit to a daily practice to implement a new way of thinking, and a new way of living. Change opens of the opportunity of expansion, enlightenment, waking up, and living your best life in the new moment.

“There’s a sadness in expansion,” my brilliant guru, Whitney, said to me. She’s right. We lose people along the way. Our expansion reminds those close to us of their own potential, their own inner radiance, and if that person is not ready, they’re energy will contract, causing you to contract in a natural response. You can revert back to the old. It’s comfortable, you’ve put a ton of time into that old way of being, so it’s safe, like an old friend. But that old friend doesn’t want to see the new you, because then they’ll have to change what’s resisting accepting the new you. That’s painful. It’s way easier for them to project that, “you’re being crazy, that’s dumb, you hurt me when you did xyz, etc.” Insecurities flare. Our tribe is vital to our existence, just like Luna and her wolf pack. But…ugh, this might hurt, you have to let those people go that aren't in favor of your expansion, your change. You cannot expand in chains. Those chains must be gently, peacefully unlocked so that you can let yourself out of the prison cell that used to be home. It served us, it taught us, it did keep us safe, but as we’re only promised to change, things that used to be home can just as easily become our hell. Always stay true to your home frequency, the vibrations from your heart, that's the only place you should ever call home. 

In the last year I’ve lost many important people. I’d invested 10 years in two failed friendships, seven in another, and five into a romantic partnership. Oh, and a dog. Yep, lost all those people and a dog who were staples in my development. It was painful as fuck, not gonna lie. But once you honor the lessons those people taught you, the beautiful moments you shared, you must let them go to respect nature and the natural flow of the universe that has changed directions. Look at it as positively as possible. It's a sign that you’re listening, you’re enlightened, and you must go. Let them go so you can fly! YOU WILL HAVE ANGLES READY TO PICK YOU UP ONCE YOU HIT THE SKY! We’re never alone. And once those toxic energy bodies (and by toxic I just mean opposing vibrations that are detrimental to your expansion), are released you can finally feel the lightness of being and new beings will fill their old space. 

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Relationships are the state of being connected. You have to stay connected to yourself. You and you is the most important relationship in this life. You cannot share anything profound, deep and powerful in any other relationship if the one that you have with yourself is not being honored and nurtured. IT’S SO EXCITING TO BE ALIVE! You’re not alone. I’ve got you. You have a tribe here in my collective. Now fly!!!!!!! 

xx, Moonbeam 

 

 

 

 

 

NO. 6

FOCUS: WHAT I’M PROCESSING AT THE MOMENT

My process of the moment through art + science in my practice as a life coach / neuropsychologist / artist. -- ALLI CAUDLE 

THIS WEEK’S STORY:  MY CREATIVE PROCESS

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl (Neurologist, Holocaust Survivor) 

Between an urge and an action lies a potential space which judgement resides. 

Introduction…

This whole world is moving fast. We’re coming out of the technology age and into the intuition age, per social scientists and spiritual leaders. You must be very careful what you absorb, and how you absorb it. Pay attention to what you see, hear, think, feel, and filter it like a Brita, because what you absorb is what your senses download into the hardware of your brain, which designs your behavior, your patterns, your reality. Connect to the things that make you feel good deeply. 

Life is a game. A game is fun, entertaining, engaging, challenging, and ultimately a bonding experience that we can all reflect on. There are winners and losers, but the losers have just as much fun in play, and can win just as easily the next day. We set our own ceilings based off of what we know and what we’ve experienced. Raise it up and realize it doesn't have to be hard. We tend to block ourselves when we start to have fun. We feel guilty, remember being punished for having too much fun by a parent or teacher when we were rowdy in the classroom. But controlled fun! Holy shit. It’s the key. All the sudden your boring living room is filled with safari animals, like JUMANJI

Meditation. Please lift your lovely face up from the rabbit hole you’ve slipt into, a hole of seriousness and self-inflicted punishment. Now, allow the light from the moon to draw you out of your darkness. Take my hand, trust, create, flourish, bobble your head to the rhythms of the divine, and allow the prismatic colors of the universe to shine through you, neon rainbow humans. We’ve been given everything we need to survive. Now let’s thrive. 

LET’S PLAY!

For fun, I like to see life as a film. Cinematic, stylized, music tuned acutely to the moment, ya know, the reason we like the movies. So I'm making a visual story out of this week's message of life coaching for the + team. It's about baseball. 

THIS WEEK'S LIFE COACHING PRACTICE:

How to set goals and stick to them. 

Three strikes you’re out of the old ballgame. Until the next at bat. Focus, visualize, stay calm, slow down time through presence, and knock that silly little ball out of the park. {Applause!} Okay, that's what she imagines as she exits the dugout, and catwalks into the game. 

1. SHE STEPS UP TO THE PLATE. 

I’m creating a new life, a new home, a new career, a new way to view / practice art, and a new way to live and look at things. It is thrilling! Like a baby puppy you bring home that shows you how powerful love is! Love of a human and an animal! That’s connection to nature! Nature teaches us everything and heals everything! I mean…Ralph Waldo really understood that. But in creating…it’s also scary as hell. Each step forward is an Earthless, mapless, nameless space that we’ve never seen before. It triggers anxiety, and fear, and bad patterns that feel comfortable because they’re familiar. We know they’re bad, but hell, at least we KNOW! Then, suddenly as if in a cartoon, our foot lands on flowers on a sunny afternoon with a crips breeze running through each toe, and it sends an electric vitality in our hearts. Again. One more step. Repeat. Trust. Forward. 

2. FIRST PITCH. SHE WAITS FOR IT. FOUL BALL. 

So, ego. Everyone is always talking about the ego in the creative process. I always nod yes, but today I was like, define ego. What’s so bad about this ego? I mediated on the definition, and I’ve concluded that your ego is your very best friend, and your worst enemy. That shit’s gotta be balanced morning, noon and night. It’s a mirror. You get to choose smokey eye or bold lip. And that’s your ego, a choice of your self-image, self-confidence, self-worth that lives between conscious and unconscious. It’s a thinking subject that is what you project as you. 

3. SHE SETS UP FOR THE SECOND PITCH. MEAN CURVE BALL. STRIKE ONE. 

When you’re creating something new fear steps in. That stimulus Viktor Frankl speaks of. That space to respond to a stimulus. Judgement steps in ready to play! You just struck out, you’ll strike out again! You failed! You’re bad! You’re going to get cut from the team! Do I hear booing?! That shit is your ego. SO FLIIP IT. Cut it out, cancel it, it's cancer. Remember to play. Einstein talks about combinatory play, which is essentially healthy procrastination. YES! I said procrastination, it’s play with the right intention. 

4. THIRD PITCH. STRIKE TWO. 

The player has checked her ego, so she’s loose, she’s calm. She’s in the flow / the zone. 

A personal story… 

 Photo by xinger xanger. Featuring Samara Weaving and Alli Caudle. Produced by Moonbeam Collective. 

Photo by xinger xanger. Featuring Samara Weaving and Alli Caudle. Produced by Moonbeam Collective. 

I was 25, living in New York City. It was a crisp, day in late September. I was walking around a beautiful townhouse in Brooklyn with a chilled glass of rose, wearing a leather jacket, and a strange combination of a shirt-and-skirt, with a hightop black leather Converse. I was at the home of a family friend with my parents.

As their adult dialogue started to drain in my head I wandered my way through the immaculately designed interior of a house that echoed charming stories of love and war. I found myself in a color-coded library. I reached for a hot pink bound screenplay. I had been acting, and writing screenplays, so I was hungry for anything that oozed theatricality. I opened it to page 23 randomly. I quickly realized this was MICHELLE WILLIAM’s original script of MY WEEK WITH MARILYN. I felt like a mom reading her teenage daughter’s diary! I put it away and checked my back. I was reading an incredible actress's handwritten notes of discovering: an iconic character, the cognizant rhythms, the backstory, and the personal triggers for her in specific moments. Okay, one more look. I pulled it out and skimmed the entire thing to the very end. I obviously won't give away any of her details, but it was incredible to see her handwriting, writing style, color of ink evolve as she become more comfortable with the character of Marilyn Monroe. 

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“Only when we are at our most playful can divinity finally get serious with us.”  Elizabeth Gilbert

5. FOURTH PITCH. SHE WAITS FOR IT. FOUL BALL. HER DAD YELLS GOOD EYE! FROM THE FRONT ROW. BRING IT ON, SHE THINKS TO HERSELF. 

COACHING NOTES: 

Hedonistic tendencies fascinate me. I’m guilty of them. We all are, in all forms. I wanted to know the difference neurologically between a bad choice and a good choice. After processing research, I’ve concluded: a bad choice = immediate reward (i.e. chocolate cake), a good choice = later pay off (i.e. broccoli). The bad immediately triggers dopamine, where the other is a long-term, healthy, thoughtful payoff of patience and discipline for your highest good. Excitement encounters anxiety when your mission is stronger than your fear.

a couple pointers...

SUCCESS INSURANCE FOR COMPLETING GOALS

Crucial Elements for Long-term Achievement

— Goldsmith, M. and Lyons L. 

6 of the most important reasons people give up on goals. 

1. OWNERSHIP

People must buy into their goals to take ownership. This shifts the ownership and initiative to an internal point of reference. Then effectiveness and master can come about. 

2. TIME

Goal setters tend to underestimate the time it will take to complete the task. An “optimist bias,” that leads to giving up. 

3. DIFFICULTY

Along with the factor of time, the optimism bias applies equally to difficulty. 

4. DISTRACTION

People tend to underestimate potential distractions and competing goals. 

5. REWARDS

Disappointment sets in when achievement of a goal doesn’t translate into other goals or to the desired happiness. 

6. MAINTENANCE

Maintaining changed behavior is difficult. There is always the pull of the old and the fear of the new. 

Think about S-M-A-R-T (setting goals is a form of art) every time you make a goal it will help you be prepared for anything that comes your way. Call me and we can design this together, because it may be daunting to you, but it’s so fucking fun to me.

ALLICAUDLE.COM

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!!!Easy to remember with SMART goals.!!!

SPECIFIC

MEASURABLE

ACHIEVABLE

RELEVANT

TIME BOUND (30 days, 90 days)

VISIT MY WEBSITE FOR INFO ON A UNIQUELY TAILORED NEURO-HARDWARE DESIGN JUST FOR YOU. XX 

 

6. SHE WAITS FOR THE PITCH. SMACK!! SHE HITS IT OUT OF THE PARK. HER TEAM CIRCLES THE BASES -- EACH WITH THEIR FOOT HITTING THE BAG -- IN THE DIRT WE CALL HOME ... THE TEAM PULLS IT IN FOR A WIN. FOR NOW. THE GAME MUST GO ON. TAKE A STEP UP TO BAT, FOR IT'LL BE THE SOURCE OF YOUR GRIN. 

I look at the creative process like a game. Think of game now, as in a rabbit that you have to hunt and kill to survive. FOOD.  Love it. Honor it. Kill it. Eat it. Nourishment. Sustainability. Survival. Breath. Gratitude. Freedom. Repeat. Art does not appear out of thin air. An idea does. But the process is much more like excavating than a simple magical moment. It’s digging, and sculpting out of a large block of marble. Chizzling away until you find the pretty ballet dancer at the center. Hmm, I’m not surprised that’s what was there, at the center all along. Simplicity of the truth, truth of ourselves, loving our loved ones, and holding hands collectively to carry along. You may fail, but that’s where you learn the most. Success is fun! Feel it with all your senses, but remember it’s all just a game, a game of survival, nourishment that feeds our bodies, our souls, and energizes our vitality. 

 www.sarahkjelleren.com

www.sarahkjelleren.com

**********NEW**********

Messages from the universe. Weekly channeled MOONBEAM messages for the COLLECTIVE.

Tarot is an ancient Italian energetic modality based in the laws of quantum mechanics. 

APHRODITE

Awaken the goddess within you through dance, self-care, and appreciating your divinity. 

WHTIE TARA

You are becoming increasingly sensitive. Avoid hard relationships, environments, situations, and chemicals. 

SIX OF CUPS

Reunion, nostalgia, childhood memories, innocence

ACE OF WANDS

Inspiration, power, creation, beginnings, potential

TWO OF CUPS

Unified love, partnership, attraction, relationships

**********NEW**********

NO. 5

MOONBEAM COLLECTIVE

EST. 2.12.18

MOONBEAM MEMBERSHIP — my latest project @Moonbeam Collective — where I will be introducing a series of people I admire. My intention is to inspire creative-collective-collaborations around the world of people you can trust. 

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The first member, 001. Will be referred to as X, or 001

*****NOTE: To protect your identity, I’m assigning a MB Member Number (MBM#).*****

BACKSTORY: A couple of months ago, I sent out a mass email announcing the launch of Moonbeam Collective, as well as a personal questionnaire. I asked my friends to fill out the form for themselves, and for me, as a fun game / experiment (in self-reflective therapy). The 20-question form was designed to take your brain (conscious and subconscious) on a rhythmic, self-reflective journey. I asked specific things in a specific order to tap into specific areas of the brain through different waves that assist in rewiring neuro-hardware that can only be done by addressing the issues of the software, the subconscious. The first person to respond was no surprise to me :) 

I love this project! I get to take a friend / co-creative that I admire as a human and an artist, and put he / she / it up on a platform, focusing on X, watching X shine, proudly! I have the honor to learn something new from a different perspective on the same human experience, and I want to share it with all of you, my beloved Moonbeamers. 

The MOON is what controls our nights and our tides. The MOON represents our subconscious, which dictates our ride. Please, buckle your seatbelt {smile}. 3…2…1… CUE MUSIC. 

 

 

 

 

X IS VERY SPECIAL TO ME

X IS A MASSIVE INFLUENCE ON MY SPIRIT AND ARTISTRY. 

X IS A NATURAL TALENT. 

X IS A MASTER OF MANY CRAFTS, AND IS SUCH BECAUSE OF: AMBITION, CURIOSITY, DETERMINATION, BRIMMING INTELLIGENCE, A GOLDEN HEART, AND DEDICATION. 

X IS A LOVING, BRIGHT LIGHT. X IS SUCCESSFUL. X IS A WINNER. 

001, I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU. THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO. 

 

INTRODUCING: 001

“Small talk makes me want to binge drink.”

For Moonbeam:
“A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.”
-James E. Faust

 Much to be grateful for.  Today, and every day.  

 The photo featured represents the person based on their chosen spirit animal. 

The photo featured represents the person based on their chosen spirit animal. 

  1. 001
  2. Los Angeles, CA 
  3. Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Aquarius Rising.  That’s all I’ll include, cause I don’t know much ;)
  4. Music Producer 
  5. My dream is to produce music and help artists find their own voices.  I want to produce the kind of music that gets you through heartbreaks.  The kind of music that reminds you of how connected we all are, and that even loneliness & depression is a worldwide thing.  I want to score films that have a message that we can all connect to.  Ultimately, I want to do my small part to make anyone even a little bit happier in this life.  My dream relationship and goals are to have a family.  A wife who’s just as independent as I am.  Someone who knows my faults, recognizes them, and that doesn’t judge me for them.  But to make damned sure I work on my issues.  Infinite honesty.  A family who has trust and unconditional love.  I’ve seen divorce and what it can do to a kid, and I want to make sure that I marry my best friend over anything else.  Because that’s what lasts in this world, at the end of the day.  It’s the friendship above all.   But I mean, obviously some wild sex.  Like, that’s the ultimate deal breaker.  Kidding aside, I just want something real.  Something rooted.  I could go on forever, but more to come. 
  6. My passion and joy in life begin with the piano.  With the instrument that will forever remind me of where I came from.   It’s something that immediately takes me home, as a little kid, listening to my mother sing on the piano when she thought no one was listening.  I could barely understand how incredible it made me feel to hear how open she felt in those moments.  It’s the most free I’ve ever heard her be.  From then on, it became my ultimate outlet for connection.  My safe house.  No matter what feeling is stirring inside of my heart, I know I can always go to the keys and sing it through me.  The piano allows me to let myself go.  It’s my joy in the truest sense of the word.  Also, pretty passionate about bowling.  Fucking fun stuff.
  7. A big challenge in my life is spreading my self too thin.  My mind goes a million places, and I want to do it all, and I know I can’t.  And sometimes, that gets the best of me, and I spiral downward.  I have a problem with romanticizing the high high/low lows lifestyle.  When I’m down, I allow it, and I can let myself go so far deep, I question if I’ll ever get out.  But when I’m high, it’s a Lucid Dream.  I can fly as high as I want and I eat every minute of it right up.  I’m actively learning that life is all about balance.  I know this comes with time, because time is surefire way to let you know you can’t keep playing around or you’ll miss out on some of the best parts of life.  The little things.  Like they say, it’s the little things that make the big ones.  
  8. At work, my passions and my joys are connection.  Creating something out of nothing with another person.  Even if it’s just a mutual love for a song.  Anything to connect means so much to me.  It’s easy to feel alone in your thoughts.  When you finally let them out, though, you come to find that so many have the exact same thoughts.  And I think that’s a beautiful thing.  Meeting people that know more than I do about something.  Everyone on this earth has something inside of them that you know nothing about.  And oftentimes, something inside them that you have to learn from.  
  9. A challenge at work.  Creative differences.  I definitely have a hard time when people get too stubborn about their opinions.  I know because I’m guilty of it a lot.  But if you don’t check that, you don’t allow those around you to feel comfortable telling you how they really feel.  It’s hard to stay open.   Vulnerability is an extremely tough thing to maneuver.  The other side though?  Usually freeing.  Sometimes, though, you get shat on.  That’s life, though.  Sometimes things don’t work out.  We compromise, we agree to disagree, we move forward.  
  10. My greatest achievement?  That’s hard, there’s just so many, you know?  Like, I get so much shit done I’m like Steve Jobs but not a dick.  No, but really, this is such a hard question for me to answer.  Honestly, at this point in my life, it’s the relationship I have with my family.  After all these years, I can truthfully say I have such fulfilling bonds with them.  I’d die for any of them.  Unconditional love is a hell of a thing to cultivate.  You have to go through some hellish times to realize just how much you need someone.  Yeah, my family relationships are my greatest achievement currently.  Until I finally join a fucking bowling league.  Then forget the fam.  
  11. The last song that I listened to and immediately replayed was Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex.  It’s an incredible love song.  It can be about anyone, anything.  It’s basically about protecting someone.  Letting them know how much you love them and that you’ll always be there for them.  It’s incredibly nostalgic. 
  12. One sentence to describe me.  I’m a pretty goofy dude who’s always trying to learn something new and connect with people.  I’d say others would say I’m a good person who listens well, is self-aware, and easy to be around.  Shit I hope people say that at least, ha!  Also that I get into deep talks a little too quick sometimes.  Small talk makes me want to binge drink. I think both descriptions are fairly in alignment.  I’m sure others see me a bit better than I see myself.  Work in progress!  
  13. My spirit animal is for sure a Panda.  Love Pandas.  
  14. I could go off on dream life, but the one that has stuck out to me the very most is one that I died in.  This was back in high school, and it had a pretty profound impact on me.  I was in a car with some friends, and we got T-Boned and flipped through the air into a river.  I remember knowing I was going to die and that the rest would survive.  Right when we hit the water, life flashed, and I woke up in a suit at my own funeral.  This was by far the longest dream I’ve ever had.  It felt like hours at the service.  I was a ghost and I remember balling my eyes out and screaming for someone to hear me.  My dad then responded to me and I sobbed to him as he consoled my about life and death.  He was emotional, but he was still being a dad trying to let his kid know that everything will be alright.  He walked me around to see the people who came.  He told me he was proud of the life I lived.  I argued and sobbed about how unfair life can be.  He listened.  I saw my family, my friends, my girlfriend.  Remember, it was high school….so I remember seeing my girlfriend and being like, “Damnit you’re gonna move on now, this is so unfair man.  You’re gonna get with Justin, and he’s gonna love it.  Damnit Justin.  Fuck you, Justin!”  I do remember how viscerally I felt and saw everyone was going to move on eventually after I was gone.  It was the most painful dream I’ve ever had.  I could go off on all of the conversations I listened in on and the people that were there, but I’ll keep it simple.  I started to come to terms with it, after much time had passed.  Then, as my mom was going to give a speech, I woke up.  Home.  In tears.  I booked it upstairs and hugged my mom like a chunky lil Panda Pup seeing his Panda Ma for the first time in years.  I told her all the things I never felt like I needed to, because I thought I might never get the chance again.  It shook me for a long time, but it also made me so incredibly open with people.  I developed this inherent feeling for how short life is.  That day I learned to tell people how I really feel.  So, I finally told my brother I cheated at almost every video game I ever played.  Big weight off my shoulders, man.  Kidding, but not really.  It was easily the most impactful dream I’ve ever had.  And it was a nightmare.  Funny how that stuff works.
  15. My favorite meal is Mapo Tofu.  Look it up, change your life.  One of the few meals my mom used to cook us in between caving in to our twisted McDonalds wishes
  16. My best childhood memories consist of backyard football with my neighbors.  Rowdy ass bunch of kids.  The Thompsons.  Like 10 of them, most adopted, so it was a cultured crew and I LOVED them.  Me and my brother would play every sport with those kids.  So much healthy rivalry and fun in those times.  Also, playing Mario Party with my little bro and Mom.  That was some competitive ass shit.  
  17. My worst high school memory, holy shit!!  I love this.  I’ll have to condense this as best I can.  Basically I got John Tuckered by 3 girls.  My girlfriend(call her Kendall), her best friend(call her Chloe) who was a heavy meddler, and my ex-girlfriend(call her Kylie).  Chloe had convinced Kendall that I planned to dump her after high school and marry her.  Those two had stopped being friends a little before this, and she was out to sabotage our relationship.  One day, Kendall is being weird, so I walk outside to get in her car.  She and the other two are in the car.  Three people you’ve never seen in a car together before.  They proceeded to yell at me from all angles to the point where I actually felt like I might pop like a balloon.  I had to sit and scream over them and convince my girlfriend why none of it was true.  I also had no idea where in the actual hell Kylie fit into this picture.  So I find out that Chloe befriends her out of the blue after never having met her.  Fun.  No one listened to me, and I was so confused and out of sorts I pretty much cried like Charlie had bit me.  After about an hour of this, I just said fuck it, told Kendall how much I love her, and that she should know that.  I got out of the car, walked into my garage, and punched a few hole in the wall like a psychopath.  A little time went by, and Chloe came to me saying how sorry she was and that she didn’t want to ruin are closeness.  Basically that she was sorry for being manipulative about it all and that I shouldn’t even be with Kylie to begin with.  That she was just “helping me out”.  This was all like a week before prom.  Chloe literally planned a manipulative sabotage to my relationship, and proceeded to say something along the lines of, “Look, if Kendall’s not talking to you right now, you should show her.  You should take me to prom.”  It was madness.  Bonkers.  I was so obsessed with Kendall and watched her push me away because of something that never happened.  I still managed to get her to prom, which was a win, but things really weren’t the same since.  In a lot of ways, it sparked the beginning of the end.  Break ups are rough times as it is, but at least it was high school.  But it also opened me up to realizing how important it is to be with someone who trusts you completely.  And you can’t be with someone who you can’t share that kind of trust with.  Jealousy is also incredibly toxic.  So, it all worked out in the end, but was a twisted period of time, for sure.  And yes, those were all Kardashian names.  I am sorry.  Sort’ve.
  18. The moment I realized my childhood was over was when I saw The Departed.  I was like, dude, you can’t kill Leo that suddenly, that’s not what you do.  No, but really, this is such a good question.  I’ll just go with what popped up first.  I think when I finally understood the impact of my parents divorce.  I was too young to remember them together, or at least have blocked that out.  But I remember getting to an age where I could talk openly and honestly with my parents about it.  They had always remained really good friends.  Almost best friends.  I had no idea how uncommon that was at the time.  I always just thought I was lucky for having two Christmases, two birthdays, etc.  Like a kid tends to think.  But looking back, it crystallized into me why my Dad was so sad a lot of the time.  He never really showed it, but when we would leave his house I saw that look in his eyes.  He did his best, as a parent can, to keep it together for the kids.  But I watched his heart break over and over again every time we had to leave his house.  
    1. Now, there are a lot of reasons to get divorced, so I’m not going to pretend like I know all of the details.  All I know is at a certain age it really hit me as to how much of a life change it really was.  The reasons my dad was so sad.  I had a lot of talks with both of my parents.  My dad taught me a lot of lessons in the re-visitation of that time.  That sometimes people try their hardest and things don’t work out.  That sometimes people don’t try hard enough and realize they should have looking back.  Not everything is going to work out the way you want it to, and that’s okay.  He taught me that a journey into the dark night of the soul can be good for a person.  Sometimes it’s hard to be your best self without experiencing the proper setbacks.  Two people change a lot in life.  They start out two people conquering the world together.  Nothing can stop them.  Then, somewhere along the lines, they can grow apart.  And if that growing apart isn’t worth fighting for at a certain point, they let go for the betterment of each other.  It’s heartbreaking, but it’s also a reality for some.  I’ve also learned a lot about how incredibly hard it is to raise kids in the given circumstance, and it’s made me appreciate them so much more.  My childhood ended the day I understood all of that, and I’ve taken an incredible amount from it all.  The good and the bad. 
  19. Sex, to me, is like a well made Vine.  An enjoyable 6 seconds.  Sorry, had to.  And when I joke like that, you should know it’s because it precedes what’s probably going to be some pretty sappy talk.  Sex, to me, really is sharing love of the deepest form.  It took me a while to really feel that.  Well, it usually just takes the right person.  I personally think it should really be shared with someone you love deeply.  And if it isn’t, which happens, it’s just not going to be a thousandth as satisfying as doing it with someone you feel passionately for.  Sex is a way to connect all of the words you wish you could say to that person about how much you love them.  Words are finite.  Sex is outer space.  Two bodies listening to each other and giving each other infinite presence in the moment.  I’m not even religious, but it’s a spiritual thing for me.  It’s one of the only times I can forget about everything going on in the outside world and just be.  Sharing that with the right person is unforgettable.  I haven’t actually ever written these thoughts out.  So, thank you for that.  The right kind of sex will make you forever question why you care about anything else.  But rent is still due.  So, go to work.
  20. The greatest advice I’ve ever received is probably to develop good listening habits.  Half of the time we’re so anticipatory in conversation that we forget to listen.  You have to listen with all of you.  It’s all in the eyes, baby!  Look people in the eyes.  I used to have a problem with that.  But you come to learn that a lot of what people are saying is vastly different than what they’re emoting.  And a good listener means the worlds.  Sometimes people just need to get things out.  We try so hard to say things we feel, but we also get so nervous in the process.  We start to speak in code or try to get the other person to just understand what you’re saying underneath it all.  It’s how we work a lot of the time.  I think it’s all about actively working on just listening to people, and waiting to think of a response until after they’re done speaking.  Communication is everything.  

001's CLOSING WORDS:

Right now, I’m focused on developing myself in my career.  Above anything currently, it’s tantamount for me to focus on my progression.  I’m on the tail end of a Music Engineering program that has brought me a lot of challenge.  It’s taught me a lot, about myself and about my priorities as well.  I’m focused on building a resume, scoring films, producing artists, and eventually starting an independent record label.  There’s a massive amount of work to do, but I love that.  I also plan to start writing with my writing partner.  It’s time.    

    As far as pleasure go, I’m looking to let myself enjoy some tucked away hobbies again.  I joke about bowling a lot, but would absolutely love to go more often.  I want to be on some real Big Lebowski type shit.  The wonkier the people the better.  I’m going to get into piano lessons again as well.  I’m proficient, but I want to take the next step and continue working to master it to the best of my abilities.  I want to get back into Poker and Chess as well.  Poker has always been one of my favorite things to do, and I’m excited to get back into it.  Chess frustrates the hell out of me, so I should definitely get back into it.  

    From a relationship standpoint, I’m planning to reach out to people a lot more.  I tend to like my small circles and obsess over solitude.  But I also know in doing so I forget to tell a lot of people how much they mean to me.  So, I’m going to stop being flakey, and reconnect to some people that I’ve procrastinated on.  Hell, maybe it’ll even lead to the inception of the forever waiting bowling crew.  I’ve got a lot of things to work on, and I’m excited to get to them  :)

--001

THANK YOU, 001! THANK YOU FOR SHARING! KEEP SHINING! 

 

Love yourself, then each other. 

xx, Moonbeam 

 

No. 4

BYE BYE, BUMBLE BEE

“It is my belief that we will change the world through meditation. It is my understanding that connecting to the stillness and silence allows each of us to live life with expanded awareness, deeper compassion, and greater fulfillment … No different from when you are in a dream state, every experience you have in your waking state is self-derived, self-created, self-influenced, and self-motivated. This is not to say things outside you don’t happen; rather it’s how you respond to the unexpected or the uncertain — what you do with new information and old rituals — that ends up becoming the fabric of your life … There is no such thing as an external force that can make us feel a certain emotion or respond a certain way …” — Davidji (Author of Secrets of Meditation)

One week ago today, I totaled my Fiat on a dark, downtown LA freeway. As I stepped out of the broken, distorted vehicle in red high heels and a yellow blazer, I took in the angelic, metropolitan glow illuminating the night sky that juxtaposed the acid rain drizzling down onto the burning corpse of Bumble Bee, my car. 

Inhale. A man named Scott, whose best friend died one week prior in a car accident (which is why the kind soul felt the impulse to pull over), took my hand and escorted me to the hood of his car for a safe sit while we waited for the police. Suddenly, a firetruck appeared. I opened my eyes from a blink to find myself surrounded by civil heroes taking my blood pressure and cooling down the flames. I looked up from the cute firefighter, that had just said, “How are you managing to stay so calm?” to cop cars swarming the scene, blocking off the 101 exit; I calmly observed my existence. “Meditation,” I said. Exhale. 

At this point, I’ve spoken to: witnessess, firefighters, policemen, friends, family, co-workers, bosses, insurance agents, doctors, and uber-drivers. I can summarize the event very briefly. 

  • I was driving home to Miracle Mile from my best friend’s house in Highland Park at 11:56PM. I was completely sober. I was switching lanes to exit the 110 — turning right onto the 101 N exit ramp. I hit the blinker, checked the rearview, but didn’t see the blind spot. As I merged into the lane on my right, a car going, “At least 90,” per Scott, hit the shit out of the back right of my car at the perfect spot and velocity to send it for a flipping spin into the side of the road. 

On impact I remember thinking to myself, “Stay calm, breathe...” SMASHING STOP. I walked away from the accident without a scratch. “This is the kind of accident people don’t walk away from without at least a broken arm, or leg,” the same cute firefighter said to me as he removed the sphygmomanometer from my arm that read 120/80. 

Many people have told me that the fact I was calm on impact is the only reason (apart from angels) why I walked away in a lucky condition. I agree. I was calm, because I had just been mediating. Mediation is something I practice frequently. I’ve had to work extra hard to connect my high-multi-dimensional medium mind to my three-dimensional body. Grounding is my greatest challenge, but when I practice to maintain groundedness it’s my greatest asset. Funny how that works for all of us…

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My "best friend's house," that I was driving home from when the accident occurred, just so happens to be my beautiful, powerful, gifted friend, Whitney Ullom. She’s an incredibly intuitive, empathic, educated spiritual leader, teacher, sex-therapist, artist, and one of my closest friends (family at this point). That night, Whitney cooked me the most delicious, nourishing, vegan, Thai meal. We drank dandelion tea. We talked for hours. And at one point, she guided me in a heart-connection mediation that was simply profound. She’s become a master guru (teacher of enlightenment) right before my eyes. She fully understands and embodies the fact that she can't awaken you, because you must awaken yourself, but she is the perfect lioness to lead you into your own sweet spot gracefully. And she's my girl for that 24/7. 

After listening to my heart, and promising to take care of it in response, I set off on the highway that night feeling high (naturally). Immediately after the wreck, I was able to look at my wrecked car — a metaphorical shell of my old self — as a final lesson in observing my recent ego death on my own transformational soul journey. I was calm. I was connected to my heart, and my heart was okay. Although it wasn’t until the following Saturday that I would realize the trauma I had to release to fully process in order to heal from the events. 

On Saturday morning, Whitney was teaching a breath-work class at SOUL HUM Studios in Sherman Oaks, LA. I got in my Chevy Malibu rental car at 8:30AM to experience her work, which was mentioned on the website as a therapeutic form of trauma release meditation. Since my entire back was experiencing what felt like spastic labor-pains, I was ready to give it a massive go

WHITNEY ON BREATH-WORK: 
“Breath-work is one of the best, most holistic ways to turn down cortical control (aka the thinking mind) and drop into your body, your own expansion, and the deep connection to your own energy. This experience can be incredibly profound because it satisfies something that people are deeply longing for — a connection to themselves that comes from within, and a safe way into the freedom of surrender. When those things happen, many people experience a return to feeling their own wholeness and their own power. Breath-work is a powerful yet simple tool to help complete stress cycles and release trauma. Our emotions and our responses to danger have a beginning, middle and end, but if this cycle gets disrupted, as it often does, the emotion or trauma gets locked into our system creating disruption and disconnect. Breath-work helps start to unlock those frozen parts of us, bringing the system back into alignment.” 
—————{I’ll plug the shit out of her for a second, saying that if you want to work with her one-on-one, or attend one of her classes, or join a workshop, follow her on Instagram @WhitneyUllom. It’ll straight-up change your life in a moment}.————- 

Go did I go! I went there. I was shaking, I was crying, I was locking up, breathing through it, pushing through it, screaming, and crying some more. I went to the darkest experience of that dark night. I realized the demons I had been dancing with leading up to that point. The cocoon is a very challenging place before the butterfly’s wings demand the light. I was guided into a synthesis of my inner, wounded wild-one, embracing her, allowing her to join the team, and come along for the ride. Because even though my old shell, the old me, the old way I've identified, the old vehicle that took me from place-to-place, got smashed to smithereens…I'm good. I'm better than good. I've grown, I've changed, and I'm walking away wiser and more appreciative of my health and my loved ones. I was able to celebrate death in the days following, which only means the welcoming of rebirth and new beginnings.

Whitney's class shifted me massively that morning. I felt the icky, frozen trauma eject from my body, mind and spirit, relieving me of the tightness that was suffocating my spine. JUST BY BREATHING! Honor yourself to take some time to complete your own emotional cycles that you need to fully feel in order to free yourself from your own traumas. BREATHE. I'm here for you. 

In closing, gratitude flooded my heart that night. Because I was only standing alone in that chaotic disaster for a very brief moment before Whitney, the one who led me to my heart before the accident, and the one who guided me into my own self-loving work of releasing the trauma after the accident, was the same person who literally saved me from the scene of the crime in that present moment. She and her partner (also my friend), Kevin, scooped me up, and sang me songs under the Figueroa bridge until the tow truck arrived an hour and a half later. 

As the fork lifted Bumble Bee off of her feet, and I hugged Whitney and Kevin goodbye, I noticed tons of head-up pennies surrounding my car. I picked one up and put it in my pocket. A little luck can go a very long way on any kind of day. I can only be grateful for my beautiful life, life is beautiful, surrender to the moment without losing control, and no matter how many identities we need to say good bye to, there’s still a highway ahead; there are many miles of hills and valleys, so we’ve gotta keep our eyes on the dotted line, and our friends by our side. Cue the music, turn it up, and drive on into the universal flow. Keep enjoying the ride that always ends happily when we arrive to our true home. Namaste. Peace be with you. God bless. 

 

Love yourself, then each other.

xx, Moonbeam // Alli Caudle 

 

No. 3

I GOT DISINVITED FROM MY FRIEND’S WEDDING BECAUSE I USED THE WORD "MEXICAN" AS AN ADJECTIVE 

PREFACE. Art can be personal. Art can be painful. But get that shit out on the canvas as best you can. Pollock did, and although he lost the battle to his shadow self, he left us with some of the most impactful, thought provoking work of the modern era. Anways, you’ve gotta try to express yourself in any way you can, and art is one of the best ways to process pain, so that we can let go. This splattered story is a combination of me trying to make sense of a traumatic event, while analyzing a sensitive cultural climate, and the own essence of the context to which I practice as a life coach based in artistic neuropsychology in Los Angeles. 

Let’s talk about letting go. “I think anybody who has had a long relationship and has had a really hard time letting go, wants to feel like it’s not all for naught, and it’s meaningful, because it makes you who you are.” — Rashida Jones

SUNDAY morning I was feeling good. I was drinking chai in my pajamas, candles lit, Frank Sinatra playing while I cooked. As I ate my nice, little brunch, I read a book on Japanese culture: Wabi Sabi (a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection). I thought of a friendship of mine that I cherished, and felt distant from for its own recent imperfections. I reached out to my friend … let’s call her … Hailey. I sent Hailey a text that said something like this, “Hailey.  I love you. Been thinking of you tons. Hoping to close the gap of this space I’ve been feeling, etc.”

She responded immediately by email that I was disinvited to her upcoming wedding for the most, in my opinion, unfair reason. Suddenly, I felt the most overwhelming sense of rage! It was pumping through my blood, and it was quite a beast to tame. I called a close, mutual friend sobbing, then after an emotional breakdown in a rabbit hole of broken clocks, I realized that I only had twenty minutes to get ready for work. 

COACHING NOTE AS TO HOW I DEALT WITH THE FOLLOWING RAGE IN ITS INITIAL ONSET: THE MANTRA: I AM CALM, I AM CONFIDENT, I AM IN CONTROL. Repeat over and over until you feel the shift. 

BACKGROUND: Hailey is a white woman from an affluent, fancy beach community in Southern California, and she’s marrying a Mexican man from the opposite environment, who I think is so fucking awesome, and smart, and cool, and I think they’re the perfect pair. I couldn't wait to celebrate their wedding this summer. I was so proud of the friendship that we'd cultivated over the last ten years. We’ve been through a lot together, and our relationship was special, as are most friendships born at 20-years-old in Barcelona. 

She meant a lot to me. Like, a lot. But that decade of friendship suddenly disappeared into thin air on Sunday, because a couple of months ago -- December 2017 to be exact -- I used the word Mexican to describe someone that I work with. I happened to accidentally run into this man at the same time he was swinging a thick glass bottle full of water, resulting in me blacking out momentarily from a concussion to the temple. Did I mention that this was at the peak of our busiest hour, which is what some might call who work in a fast-paced work environment, the weeds. It fucking sucked and I had to smile through a purple temple and blood oozing from my eyebrow. I wasn’t mad at him. He’s my friend. It was an accident.

In describing the event as, "I was accidentally hit in the head by a large, strong Mexican man," in an extremely brief, informative, informal manner -- as one does in describing an accident -- I offended her profoundly. She informed me of this deep wound to which I cut her so deeply, that she knew I didn’t have bad intentions with my comment. I received this information (again, all over text) with an open heart, and gratitude for her being able to express her frustration with me. I assured her that it wouldn't happen again. The air was cleared, and the peace was (I thought) restored. But she could NOT let it go. She told her fiancé of my offense, and they gave it a lot of thought. They came to the conclusion that they couldn't imagine having a friend like me present on their special day, who might be thinking negatively of him, his family, and his ethnic background. 

At this moment let me say this, I can see where she’s coming from. Although she had misinterpreted what I meant, and ran with it down her own rabbit hole of dark insecurities and fears, text messages are incapable of calibrating context as to how a person is truly expressing themselves. I think there are two ways to use a person’s nationality / race in describing the human. I think one could be offensive, but the other could be purely descriptive and innocent. As I am a Caucasian female from Texas, I could be described as a Texan. Someone could call me a Texan in the context of meaning that I’m: a close-minded, racist, ass-hole with a southern drawl and a small mind, OR that I'm the Texan woman who was walking across the street when the yellow jeep accidentally hit her, knocking her to the curb. And this girl didn’t give me the time of day to explain that I obviously meant the latter in describing someone as a Mexican. 

So Sunday night, after being disinvited to her wedding {that I was invited to the bachelorette trip for}———— (and I had to decline that because I couldn’t afford it, and I told her that over text).  

So maybe it was me who set up this poor line of communication.  This is a terrible, disgusting fact about our Millennial behavior  … of texting and emailing and using our communication through copper wires, that are incapable of sensational behavior / response. Through technology, you’re not connected to the present, live moment together. And that’s where I will take ownership in some of the downfall of this friendship. I ask all of us that are glued to our phones to put them the fuck down and look each other in the eye and express our feelings face to face.  Good God, we must get back to our primal instincts so we can hear, see, and feel again. 

———— I asked a friend, a Mexican man who I work with, “Would it offend you if I described you as a Mexican?” He said, “NO! I  am a Mexican man. I am proud of that.” "Yes," I said, "And I am a white, Texan girl. I am American. I'd be proud to have you define me as such." "YES!" He replied. We high-fived and walked away. 

YOU CAN WATCH MY INTERVIEW WITH PEDRO BELOW: 

Mexican people are from Mexico. They are Mexicans. That’s who they are. That’s how they’d define themselves with pride. And they’re proud to be labeled as that when being described in an informative sentence. Which you did, Hailey, when you yourself described your fiancé and his personal offense. Own it. I love who I am. They love who they are. Let’s love each other for our diverse backgrounds, and drop the sensitivity to labels, huh? I mean, when you use a label to describe a human in a purely informative manner. 

Even though, neurologically speaking, I understand that we need labels to understand events and emotions, so that we can categorize and make sense of things; our brains need closure and completion. That’s why we’ve placed storytelling close behind food, water, sex and sleep.  With storytelling comes descriptions to label the character so the audience can visualize. Anyways, if your brain labels it, cool. Look at it. Understand it. Make sense of it. Label it. Then toss that label the fuck away and calm down because we are all humans. We are all beating hearts that need sunlight to survive no less than the next sunflower. 

But let’s be honest, like I mentioned before, I felt an intense, deep rage for about three hours. And thank God I had to go to work. I was able to focus that rage into a positive, creative energy of expression while running through my own brain’s waves of confusion in navigating emotion while using MANTRAS to stay in the game. So in saying that, I understand that you misinterpreted my words because of your own projection from your own self-statements, and your own ways of mislabeling to justify yourself, as well as your own insecurities and fears. Good luck and all the best.  

I felt myself let go quicker than I've ever been able to before. It’s so fucking liberating! Peace be with us! I’m sorry for your hurt and your pain. It's all a part of the process. It's all a practice. And as a new life coach, I need extraaaa practice. So, I'm sending love to my shadows and yours. May those little creatures come out and realize that dancing beneath the beam of the light from the night is the only way to heal. Then they can stop being the source of our resistance, and start assisting in co-creating a cohesive, wonderful life, and therefore a wonderful world for a beautiful, diverse existence. 

Love yourself, then each other.

xxMOONBEAM

No. 2

“The human being isn’t wired to function as an individual. We’re wired tribally, to act as part of a group.” Steven Pressfield

Growing is beautiful, and challenging. We must remind ourselves, repeatedly, that change is a process, not an event. And for that, we need our tribe. 

So, I invite you to be a part of my company, MOONBEAM COLLECTIVE. I’ve dreamt of her for nine years under a variety of different names: experimenting, failing, succeeding, little-by-little; and after taking a break from art to become a life coach based in neuro-psychology, I now have an understanding as to what it takes to overcome fear, and build a focused idea you’re passionate about (day-by-day). 

I’m navigating the cultivation of MOONBEAM alongside my practice as a life coach. To me, art and life are like the sun and the moon. An ever-flowing circulation of the conscious and subconscious, cause and effect, push and pull, one more, yin and yang, okay one last one, feminine and masculine. LIFE IS ART. ART IS LIFE. Art is present moment-by-moment practice of self-discovery and self-expression as a habituated response to an ever-changing, complex environment. COMMUNICATION. Art is the physical embodiment of sensual resonation to the stimulation of being alive. It’s what moves these energy bodies on the dance floor. 

You’re a collected group of truly talented, genuine, conscious, bad ass souls around the world that are doing things that turn you on, facing resistance with loaded guns, and proceeding forward fearlessly! You inspire me! Please, be my guest to let that light shine on this blog / channel. 

We’re all different, and that’s what makes the difference. People from all lines of work, cities, and backgrounds who come together as we pursue what we’re passionate about with positive effects on those around us. With that being said, I’ve hand selected the coolest cats I know, in all areas that I know: conscious living, culture, film and style, as well as other fields that I’d like to know more about, but in a cool way, not a normal way, to educate each other, share with each other, and expand together to raise the vibrations of the universe with our unique work and knowledge. 

I’m developing a shopping system, too. Coming soon...but for now, check out the two products I'm featuring first under the SHOP tab. 

Do you want to be a part of this collective team? Please complete the following…

And please fight your resistance to write about yourself, which will 99.999% most likely appear to you at first. Check the resistance, and ask yourself where it’s coming from. What is it trying to tell you? Acknowledge it, honor it, and release it. Remind yourself that that same resistance comes up every time your trainer tells you it’s time for core strengthening. 

Now drop down, and give me 20…questions about yourself. ;) 

“You don’t confront your dragons to defeat them, you confront them to get to know them.” 

********NOTE*******

Upon receiving your acceptance application, I will give you a number, and if you’d like to stay anonymous, I will only use your unique number to post your thought catalogues onto both my website / blog, and Instagram account (Moonbeam_Collective). Send submissions as often as you’d like.

********NOTE*******

Please fill out the following questions: 

  1. Name: 
  2. City (that you currently live in, and where you’ve lived in the past with the year(s)): 
  3. Birthday (feel free to include astrological elements if that’s something you’re interested in): 
  4. Occupation: 
  5. Dream (career, relationship, goals, etc.): 
  6. Passion / Joy in life?
  7. Challenge in life?
  8. Passion / joy at work? 
  9. Challenge at work?
  10. Your greatest achievement?
  11. What’s the last song you listened to and immediately replayed? Be honest.
  12. A brief, one sentence description about yourself (that you describe yourself as, not how others do)? Ok, now how others do. Compare the two. Are they in alignment? 
  13. What’s your spirit animal? 
  14. A dream, meditation, and / or spiritual experience that you’ll never forget?  
  15. Your favorite meal? 
  16. Your best childhood memory? 
  17. Your worst high school memory? 
  18. What was the moment you realized your childhood was over? 
  19. What does sex mean to you? 
  20. The greatest advice you’ve ever received (book, person, etc.)? 

Along with: 

3 PARAGRAPHS (3-9 sentences each) about whatever it is that you’re focused on / passionate about in this moment with your: work, pleasures, relationships, studies, etc. Along with 3 PHOTOGRAPHS of you, or whatever it is you’re into / creating, and a VIDEO if you’d like. I’ll take care of the rest as I share your voice on the MOONBEAM COLLECTIVE platform.

Thank you. Let’s begin! 

 

xx, 

Moonbeam II  Alli Caudle 

allicaudle@gmail.com

moonbeamcollective.com

allicaudle.com 

 

 

No. 1

 FEBRUARY 12, 2018

Magicians. Do they tell the truth? You’re disappointed when they don’t deceive you. And when they pull a rabbit out of a hat we put our faith in them. 

Do you want to experience the true magic of your existence? Start by being honest to how you feel. Being honest to feeling is the first step in healing. Confront the obstacles you’ve put in front of yourself to deceive your demons; by ignoring your demons, you're ignoring your truth. Be truthful to who you are, and where you are. Be honest with yourself about what you want, then move forward into a life unhindered. You’re subconscious will meet you there. Dreams. 

Tonight, before you put your mind to rest, look out the window of wherever you are. Do you see the moon? It orchestrates the tides, just as or subconscious controls the rides, our unique stories. Darkness does not exist in its ever-present power just as your awareness will illuminate your first steps to becoming your highest and greatest self.

 Love yourself, then each other. Let's co-create your best life together.

 

xx,  

MOONBEAM II Alli Caudle